You mess with my tradition and I’ll break your legs!!!

March 27, 2007          Comments (1)

How many traditions does your family have?

Or maybe, you and your friends have a tradition that you love.

As we are becoming more connected and busier every single day we have less time for traditions.

It’s a very dangerous world we have created for ourselves. We are constantly connected and always doing work or at least thinking about work (or at least I am!).

We value traditions less but we need them more than ever!

I bet in ten years people will be more obese than ever. We order out more often and we want everything delivered, right now.

So, for all of you, who have those little traditions I think you should do anything and everything in your power to keep them.

Even, if they are small traditions. For example, in college every Sunday night, my friends and I would always order food and watch the Sopranos. Those little traditions are what make us happy and is what life is all about.

Whether it’s going to lunch with your girlfriends and then getting your hair and nails done every Friday, going to the gym and grabbing some food afterwards, having breakfast with your friends after a long weekend, playing football Thanksgiving Day or eating dinner with your family every Sunday night; these are the traditions that keep us going.

My family and I have a really nice tradition of visiting my Grandpa at the cemetery every 6 months or so; usually around the holidays. We’ll go on a Sunday morning and then go for breakfast afterwards.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

The cemetery is in Elmont near the Belmont Park Race Track. It’s very easy to not want to wake up early on a Sunday but it comes down to tradition. It’s very important to me and my grandpa deserves all the respect in the world.

The main reason why I admire him and strive to be like him so much can be summed up in one word: Simplicity. (I’ll write more about him one day because we can ALL learn so much from him!)

We always go to this one diner after we visit the cemetery. Recently the diner was sold from Greek owners to Asian owners. Unfortunately, with the change, off went the waitresses with the great Brooklyn accents and the hilarious stories. That’s part of what you buy when you go into a little diner like that. It’s what makes it so quaint.

We decided we’d stick with the diner even with the change in owners and waitresses.

But this past Sunday, something astonishing was going on. There was an Asian woman sitting at the diner counter walking up to the tables and asking people, “If you want DVD?”

I decided I’d investigate and I realized the owner of the diner was endorsing this!!! I almost spilled my chocolate milk all over the place when I realized this.

Is he out of his mind?

This guy, who most likely made the biggest purchase of his life, of buying what was probably his dream, a diner, is now thinking of ways to make more money from existing customers by annoying and interrupting them.

While enjoying a delicious breakfast the last thing any person wants, is having someone solicit them to see if, “They want DVD?” Literally, every single person in the diner was bothered by this. You could see it in everyone’s face as they rudely said, “No,” or just by watching them shake their heads and talk about it with the people at their table.

Clearly, this guy better stop doing this or pretty soon he’s going to have to turn his little diner into a DVD store.

Obviously, for research purposes I decided I was going to act interested. So when the sweet looking, little Asian lady walked over to my table as I was eating my egg white and turkey omelet and said, “Do you want DVD?” I said, “Sure, what you got?”

(FYI: I’m not racist or anything close to that, I’m literally just repeating exactly what happened and how it was said.)

Immediately, she got really excited and for some reason started showing me every possible mob movie ever created; all as I’m eating my breakfast. (I guess I just appear as someone who’d be interested in mob movies.)

You certainly can’t get more of a captive audience than this.

That’s like me being able to walk around a McDonald’s as a 300 pound guy is eating his fifth Big Mac and tell him about MyBodyTutor.com.

Not possible.

The scary part is that the owner thought this was a good idea!

After about 2 minutes, I told the enterprising young lady with all the mob movies, “No thanks.”

What this diner owner was doing is equivalent to me allowing someone to call all of my precious clients and try to sell them stuff!

If anyone tried to do that to my clients, oh mannn, fuhhh-gettt-abouttt-ittt!

I’d break their f#%king legs and make them an offer they couldn’t refuse. It’d be along the lines of, “Do you want life?”

If you know what I mean.



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What is your Uniform!?

March 16, 2007          Comments (0)

What in the world am I talking about? You know. The super comfy clothes that you dream about as you’re wearing your high heels and skirt or your uncomfortable dress shoes and suit.

Do you have one Uniform; go to clothes that are always worn? Or, do you have a bunch of Uniforms that are interchangeable?

These are the clothes that feel like butter on your skin and make you appreciate the small things in life.

After all, that is what it’s all about. Is it not?

Some dream of putting on their big comfy sweat pants and favorite big comfy sweatshirt while others prefer the more risqué look of shorts and a wifebeater (tank top for my older readers).

Whatever it might be, it makes you feel incredible. In fact, the thought of your favorite Uniform might even make you smile and give you chills.

Donald Trump, I heard ALWAYS wears suits. What kind of person ALWAYS wears suits?

I wonder what George Bush wears when he is just lampin’? Sometimes, you’ll see him in his jeans and flannel with his cowboy hat. But, he knows he’ll be seen in that. So, that’s not REALLY his Uniform.

It’s kind of interesting to think about “the Uniform” of some very famous and prominent people in this world.

I think you can tell a lot about a person depending on his/her Uniform.

What if we all had to wear our Uniforms to work every day? We are, after all, in the era of self-expression.

I bet it would be pretty shocking.

When I start hiring employees for my company (which happens to be going incredibly well) I just made the decision, right now, this second, that everyone will be able to wear their Uniform to work.

Today could not be more of a perfect day to hang out in your uniform and watch your favorite movies with your favorite people.

So, when you get home from work or school, I hope you enjoy your uniform and when you smile in utter bliss, you can think about me and my lil’ blog post…about Uniforms.

Can you imagine “W” prances around in leggings and a wifebeater? Or, Bill Gates rocks out in mesh shorts and a hoody? Or, Hillary Clinton lamps in a football jersey and warm up pants?

Think about your favorite Uniform.

Now, smile.

Happy Friday!



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Red Velvet Ropes outside nightclubs. Is it genius?

March 6, 2007          Comments (0)

Red Velvet ropes for all my non New York readers (and I am delighted there are many!) are those stupid looking, 1 ” diameter foam like tubing with some sort of fake velvet material on them, attached to shiny metal poles about 3 feet high, to create the look and feel of prestige.

Usually you’ll see them outside lounges or clubs. But, don’t fret, you can find them in your local bank as well.

Do you really think Red Velvet Ropes work? Subconsciously, do we want to get into the place that the Red Velvet Ropes are guarding more? Is it a case of the classic “I want what I can’t have” conundrum?

I don’t know. But, we’re going to try to answer that.

For anyone that’s heard me joke about lounge/club names (happens to be great marketing because I’m joking about it as opposed to not saying anything) you’ve heard about my love for the name “Twizzler” for a club. I was eating a piece of licorice (chocolate and frozen = heaven) one day and it hit me.

“Twizzler would be a great name for a club, no?” Everyone laughed. Secretly everyone dug it. My friends would always ask me if we were going to Twizzler and it became an inside joke.

So we have Twizzler, our fake obnoxiously overpriced night club being defended by the following:

Your big, bad bouncer: This guy is about 400 pounds, looks like Andre the Giant (usually a black version but occasionally white) and miraculously has some sort of stylish flair to him.

Your typical gorgeous girl: Usually in very close proximity to the former NFL player is this creature that runs the show. This girl is always guaranteed to have a body any girl would kill for and a face to match. These girls ALL have very robust attitudes and a cocky swag.

Male in ultra trendy outfit: Chasing the model around, you’ll always find this guy. These are the guys that do all of the guerilla marketing for Twizzler. You’ll get text messages, emails, phone calls, post cards, birthday cards, letters, IM’s, business cards, windshield flyers, you name it. These guys hustle and I respect it. I did the same for my old businesses (Bingcoupons.com and MyUDC.com). Typically, “Male in ultra trendy outfit” is a scum bag but there are a few good guys out there.

Bright lights: These blinding lights although not always used are a secret weapon. Makes the entrance of Twizzler look like the red carpet and causes people passing by in cars to look. One of the drawbacks is that I can now see how much make up the “typical gorgeous girl is wearing.”

Lots and lots of people: Without this everything falls apart. If all of these people are inside then there is no need for everything above. If there are too many people outside then everything above has even more “power.”

Very cold or very warm people that have to go the bathroom: This is the glitch in the entire system. See without the “very cold or very warm people that have to go the bathroom” Twizzler will go out of business. This is also where that “power” comes from.

“Male in ultra trendy outfit, Your typical gorgeous girl, and Your big, bad bouncer” get all of their “power” because “people just wanting to have some fun” actually don’t really care where they go as long as they are with their friends. They really are just too cold or too hot and have to go the bathroom so they don’t leave.

The nightclub industry could technically be destroyed by portable bathrooms outside establishments like Twizzler. However, smart club owners realized this so they installed “heat lamps.”

Heat lamps: Many girls and guys dress the same all year round so they don’t have to bother with the hassle of checking their coat. “Heat lamps” make it almost impossible for someone to leave because they aren’t cold anymore, even causing people to forget they had to go the bathroom.

So, that’s the line of defense and the planned or unplanned marketing that goes into making these nightclubs hotspots.

I became friendly with the manager at one of my favorite restaurants in all of New York City. He taught me a very valuable lesson. I can’t tell you the name of the restaurant because a) it’s way too small and the wait is already ridiculously long and b) I don’t want to have to deal with you if you don’t think it’s worth the wait.

“Bobby (real name) it’s time to make this place bigger no? These are the best hamburgers in NYC by far! Every time I come here I’m waiting 45 minutes for a freakin’ burger! Open up a few more locations!”

I’ll never forget his words, “Adam, we sell intimacy. If there was never a line, people wouldn’t want to eat here as badly. There’s always people waiting to be seated and it creates a feeling of intimacy, almost exclusivity.”

Now Bobby has been the manager there for 30+ years. That’s wisdom I love hearing. He is exactly right.

It’s the ordeal and process that makes the food that much better. The anticipation of that first juicy bite only gets stronger as the delicious smell radiates throughout.

But, the food is that good! You can’t do that if your food tastes like crap. You have to have a remarkable product. Knowing that you have to wait no matter who you are is also refreshing.

Unlike restaurants, nightclubs favor females although their male counterparts are usually the ones footing the bill.

Now, back to our original question; do you really think Red Velvet Ropes work?

I think Bobby told us the answer. It’s the intimacy and exclusivity that, maybe, we do want. However, if the restaurant or nightclub is garbage then we’ll never wait on line again. If we have the time of our life or meal of our life, there’s a good chance we’ll be back.

Fortunately for restaurants, a delicious hamburger never gets old. And even Bobby let’s VIP in without waiting.

Evidently, Mayor Bloomberg and I have more in common than our love for serving people.

(I sat next to Bloomy last time I was there.)



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