Let’s Shit on GuruGilbert!

September 26, 2007          Comments (2)

As you probably know by now, I am the fitness expert for Conde’ Nast. This week’s Q & A had an interesting response in the comments section. You might recall from ‘What does a tuna sandwich have to do with an umbrella? ‘ that I encouraged fellow entrepreneurs to actively share testimonials.

I wrote: “People like to see that other people are using (and loving) your product/service. And don’t be afraid to include testimonials that are less than stellar. The more real and honest you are the better. (Note: In my type of business a lot of people are hesitant to include their full name, etc. If that’s the case, be prepared to hand over a list with your clients contact information – of course, you must ask your clients for permission to do this but if you can, that’s impressive!)”

Staying true to my words, I’d like to share with you my latest ‘Ask Adam’ column. I’m realizing that as my company grows and more people are learning about me and my program that more people are going to talk about me and my program.

Of course, not everyone is always going to say great things. And I’m okay with that. I can’t please everyone. It’s my existing clients that I really care about.

So, in an effort to be as transparent as possible and to share with you the ups and downs of building my dream company, check out this week’s latest Q & A here.

Certainly a lot different from this column.

And thanks to Jason, Alison and Meredith for chiming in about my program. Although they were criticizing my column as opposed to my company, it’s always nice to get some praise!

In business (and life) ya can’t win ’em all. Ya just gotta win the ones that matter!

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Let’s Help Britney

September 19, 2007          Comments (4)

Unless you live under a large rock you’ve heard about (or seen) Britney Spears’ atrocious performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. Britney blew her chance to make a comeback.

One of the problems with Britney is she keeps doing stoopid things and is making it very difficult for people to pull for her. She did this to herself, but luckily for her, as quickly as she dug her grave she can dig herself out.

So here’s what I’d do if I were Britney.

First off, she needs to go into hiding. The one thing she has going is that people can’t stop talking about her. The more mystique she creates and the more mystery the better.

Everyone thinks she’s a complete mess right now and the more she is seen doing dumb things the more she is going to solidify that belief in people’s minds. And one of the hardest things to do is change a person’s mind.

While in complete seclusion she needs to seriously get her ass back into shape. Some might argue that she looks great for having had two kids. Agreed. But she is Britney Spears! An international superstar who has sold more albums than anyone can dream of.

Part of being an international icon is looking like one. She can’t look like an average person. She’s got to have that “I’m a slave for you” or “Oops I did it again” body, it’s a huge part of her gig.

I think once she does she’ll get back the confidence she was totally lacking at the VMA’s. She needs to believe in herself again.

Once she believes in herself again, like really believes in herself, she’ll have the chutzpah to look some producer in the eye and beg for another chance.

As far as comeback songs, her new song “Give me more” is actually pretty catchy and I’m not too proud to admit I dig it. It’s an upbeat, feel good song. If you like any of her old songs, you’ll definitely like this one.

Once she has another opportunity she has to come out of the gate like the old Britney with snakes, smoke, and of course, her amazing body. If she does that she’ll be right back on the same pedestal she dragged herself off of.

And as much fun as it’s to bring someone down, it’s a lot more fun to root for the underdog (which she is) and see her pick up where she fell off.

Not that I’m losing sleep over this but this is a simple case of marketing. Create the demand by being completely out of the public eye. Restore the product by getting back her amazing body and confidence all while in stealth mode.

And after a little while, start showing tidbits of herself to the public to get people talking again by looking absolutely phenomenal and getting people curious as to what her next move is going to be.

Come out with the new and improved Britney and absolutely kill her next big appearance and Boom! She is back.

That’s what I’d do if I were her. Bitch.

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I have the best clients in the world!

September 12, 2007          Comments (1)

Some of my clients are absolutely hilarious. Jason Stuken and Co. happen to be a few of my hilarious clients.

Jason also happens to be one of my biggest promoters (and great at what he does for a living). He has referred me to countless people.

He is the awesome executive recruiter I told you about that joined my program. He is hooked. And has lost 18 pounds and 3 inches with my program so far.

I wanted to share with you an email (abrreviated) that was going back and forth between Jason, his father, his brother in law – Neal (who happens to be a client), Neal’s wife and me.

Jason has been telling me how badly he wants his father to do my program.

Oh and Jason calls me Guru.

From my original client, Jason, to his father, Paul:

Okay. Enjoy the weekend. I’m going to have the Guru, Adam Gilbert, call you Sunday night to discuss the game plan, and you go full force on Monday – ok????

Father’s reply back to Jason:

I’m ready. Sure you don’t want a clean cutoff on 9/1?

From Jason back to his father, Paul:

NO WAY – I even told him to start Monday, and to be all over you during the Labor Day weekend so you don’t go nuts at the BBQ.

I just spoke to the guru, he has your cell and your home phone…he is also cc’d to this email. He will call you between 7-9ish or so on Sunday night…or whatever is best for you…it will be about a 45 minute convo, If you’re not around he will leave you a message, and you can call him back….but it starts Monday full force, no more excuses…

Guru — take care of my old man. He needs to drop 30lbs (minimum)…..thanks for your help.

Paul to me:

We’re usually out [eating] evenings so the back end of the time frame is probably best.

Jason to me:

So I just spoke to my dad who said, “So does this guy sort of follow the Atkins thing?”

“Not at all…I don’t think you’re going to be eating bacon and cheese everyday…”

“But that diet does work…”

Good luck guru.

Neal, to all of us:

Tell him its modified Atkins… lots of lean protein, and low carb / complex carbs; and only difference between this and Atkins is he can’t eat a plate of bacon for breakfast every day, and he has to stop pouring blue cheese sauce onto his steak!

Jason to all of us:

Oh yeah that’s another thing. My father dunks everything in sauce…and I’m talking like Michael Jordan circa 1987…

Good luck!

[Update: Paul has already lost 10 pounds. The man is in the zone!]

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What In The World is Tenjooberrymuds?

September 6, 2007          Comments (3)

By the time you read through this you will understand Tenjooberrymuds…

The following is a recent hilarious yet scary telephone exchange I had with room-service in America mind you:

Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Me: “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

RS: ” Rye Roon sirbees…morrin! J oowish to oddor sunteen???”

Me: “Uh….. Yes, I’d like to order bacon and eggs.”

RS: “Ow July den?”

Me: “…..What??”

RS: “Ow July den?!?… pryed, boyud, poochd?”

Me: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please.”

RS: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”

Me: “Crisp will be fine.”

RS: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”

Me: “What?”

RS: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”

Me: “I… don’t think so.”

RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”

Me: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RS: “Toes! Toes!..Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”

Me: “Oh, English muffin!!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RS: “We bodder?”

Me: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”

RS: “Wad?!?”

Me: “I mean butter… just put the butter on the side.”

RS: “Copy?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

RS: “Copy…tea…meel?”

Me: “Yes. Coffee, please.. and that’s everything.”

RS: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy… rye??”

Me: “Whatever you say.”

RS: “Tenjooberrymuds.”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Have you ever experienced anything like this? For some reason many companies believe customer service is an expense.


Customer service is a profit center. You do right by your customers and they’ll go out of their way for you.

They say when in Rome do as the Romans do. How about when dealing with English speaking clientele speak English!

Jud unda stang?

(Disclaimer: I am not a racist or anything close to it. Just stating the facts here folks.)

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