Comments on: The paradox of vulnerability in relationships http://www.gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/ Adam Gilbert's Entertaining Ideas on Business, Fitness, and Life... Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:45:26 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Heather http://www.gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-1245 Heather Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:44:43 +0000 http://gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/#comment-1245 I agree that in comfort we lose vulnerability, but I think we choose to do that. There are things in life we could pursue (or things that pursue us) that leave us vulnerable. Experiencing them with a partner or talking about them with a partner opens that vulnerability. And with divorce as easy as it is, security is not as secure as we think... Great post! I agree that in comfort we lose vulnerability, but I think we choose to do that.

There are things in life we could pursue (or things that pursue us) that leave us vulnerable. Experiencing them with a partner or talking about them with a partner opens that vulnerability. And with divorce as easy as it is, security is not as secure as we think…

Great post!

]]> By: Adam Gilbert http://www.gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-1005 Adam Gilbert Thu, 05 Mar 2009 20:42:41 +0000 http://gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/#comment-1005 Janine - Great comment. Sorry, I just saw this. Anyway, there's a lot of truth to what you say. Janine – Great comment. Sorry, I just saw this. Anyway, there’s a lot of truth to what you say.

]]> By: Janine http://www.gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-1006 Janine Sat, 28 Feb 2009 02:00:11 +0000 http://gurugilbert.com/2009/02/24/the-paradox-of-vulnerability-in-relationships/#comment-1006 "But if you never let people see the cracks in your surface they’ll never find a way in. And that means you’ll never be really close to anyone." Gil, you've identified one of the positives of being in a long term relationship here. Yes by letting someone in- comfort and security are likely, but why is that necessarily a bad thing? In turn, your vulnerability allows you to experience the challenge of making a REAL relationship work. With the right person, the sense of adventure doesn't end. Sometimes, you need to work on the relationship to feel that thrill again. . . but it's usually there- it just takes effort to regain it. Genuinely feeling connected to the same person day after day for years requires both parties to show up in the relationship. The PERSON isn't the adventure . . . but the experiences you have with with them is! A key is to change the perspective to stop looking at the person to provide us with the sense of a thrill. What thrills us will continually change. . .that's something we need to work out within ourselves and communicate that with our significant other. In the beginning when it's all new, everything SEEMS romantic. How a couple defines romance changes with comfort! I highly doubt a couple who's been married for 40, 50 years would say that 'comfort is the evil of all romance.' At that age, for many people the comfort you have with that person IS romance! “But if you never let people see the cracks in your surface they’ll never find a way in. And that means you’ll never be really close to anyone.” Gil, you’ve identified one of the positives of being in a long term relationship here. Yes by letting someone in- comfort and security are likely, but why is that necessarily a bad thing? In turn, your vulnerability allows you to experience the challenge of making a REAL relationship work.

With the right person, the sense of adventure doesn’t end. Sometimes, you need to work on the relationship to feel that thrill again. . . but it’s usually there- it just takes effort to regain it. Genuinely feeling connected to the same person day after day for years requires both parties to show up in the relationship.

The PERSON isn’t the adventure . . . but the experiences you have with with them is! A key is to change the perspective to stop looking at the person to provide us with the sense of a thrill. What thrills us will continually change. . .that’s something we need to work out within ourselves and communicate that with our significant other.

In the beginning when it’s all new, everything SEEMS romantic. How a couple defines romance changes with comfort! I highly doubt a couple who’s been married for 40, 50 years would say that ‘comfort is the evil of all romance.’ At that age, for many people the comfort you have with that person IS romance!

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