Banter never, ever, gets old! (How to tell if you’re close with someone)

March 10, 2009          Comments (2)

When you can call someone out on their bullshit, and they laugh, you know you’re very close to them. If you can tease someone and they laugh you also know you’re very close to them.

Witty banter is amazing. I can’t get enough of it. I crave it. With girls and guys!

In fact, one of the jobs of your close friends (or brother in law) is to bust your chops! But it’s in a loving way.

For example, one of my buddies and I go back and forth. I’ll be cracking up as he’s making fun of me in person or via technology. We know each others quirks.

Most of his jokes are about my height. So he calls me a midget! (Hey, at 5’ 8” I wasn’t blessed with the genetics that would’ve helped to make the NBA. But I’m cool with it.)

[Side story, when I first met my favorite author after emailing back and forth for a while the first thing he said was, “Wow, I thought you’d be a lot taller!” As I was puzzled he said, “Take that as a compliment!”]

I can’t get enough of it as I’m hoping he goes on and on.

Then it’s my turn. I call him a fucking string bean! (He happens to be over 6 feet tall. But lucky for me he’s very narrow. He also has legs like a female runway model.)

While his jokes are usually about stepping on me and mine are about him fitting into unreasonably narrow spaces, even if we know what we’re going to say, it’s still funny!

If there’s no banter, there’s no relationship. If a person can’t laugh at themselves then I’ll never be close with them.

And if there’s no banter with a girl, it just won’t work out. I need a girl that can tease me back!

But you have to be able to laugh at yourself!

How about this email exchange between my friends from college as we’re trying to decide where to eat this past Friday:

One of my best friends says: I don’t know if I can do dinner but I was thinking we can pregame somewhere at like 9ish and then decide on a place to go so we’re not aimlessly walking around NYC like a bunch of Alpha Etas [that’s our pledge class]

I immediately write back: Well technically you know if you can do dinner. I don’t understand. What don’t you know? Either you can or you can’t?

[I await in anticipation. I love starting up some action…]

He writes: Well technically I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Let me clarify, I kinda wanna go to the gym after work, order in Chinese, and then I’d like to meet up.

Just throwing out a recommendation. I think if we pregame somewhere, it’ll be easier to decide on one place we can go out. Rather than complaining let’s just pregame and go out tonight like normal people.

I write back: Yes. Technically you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. But no one cares about that. The question was can you or can’t you go to dinner. Usually normally people say yes or no. Not I don’t know.

‘I don’t know’ wouldn’t work to well on an RSVP…

He writes: You’re a shmuck [Which means he knows he’s wrong. He also always has to have the last word. Which I, of course, call him out on. We then speak and laugh about it.]

This is just an example of guys that love one another breaking chops. And I can’t get enough of it! It’s actually more fun when someone teases you.

Are you really close with the people you think you’re close with? See if you can engage in some banter with your clients. I’ve been very lucky to have some absolutely hilarious clients. And I’ll call them out on their bullshit. But it takes time to get to that point.

It takes being vulnerable!

[Update: A reader writes in, “Just be sure your clients are okay with banter because not everyone likes it.” Absolutely without question! This post is more so for friends and romantic relationships, etc. But if you can engage in some banter with your clients you know you’re extremely close! The best relationships whether work or social are a give and take. A push and pull.]

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A post on tipping because ‘Tis the season and being nice all 4 seasons!

December 11, 2008          Comments (2)

It’s that time of year again. To tip everyone for doing (or going above and beyond) their job. I believe in tipping very generously because I used to be a waiter and a caddy.

In the service industry there is nothing more frustrating than dealing with someone who works you to death…just because they can.

However, I think it’s just as bad when people in a service industry believe they can do nothing and expect a tip.

Tipping is fascinating to me because it’s a measure of a person’s integrity. Especially, if it’s a one shot tip like going to a random restaurant in a different city.

If you’re picking up the tab no one knows what you’re leaving except the server. If someone else is paying, you have no idea what they’re leaving, and they know that. The old “if no one sees, it doesn’t count.”

If you’re in a group, no one wants to be labeled as cheap so they’ll tip well. “Sure, what’s an extra few bucks?!”

But you better believe when it’s just the server and the customer – the real person comes out! I’ve caddied for multi-millionaires who were so cheap it’s incredible. And these were guys that paid thousands and thousands of dollars to belong to a country club.

The sad part is these guys were hated. It’s one thing to be cheap but it’s another to be a complete a$$hole and cheap! And it’s just completely dumb to be cheap and an a$$hole at your own country club where everyone knows exactly who you are!

Interestingly enough, all the cheapskates seemed miserable with their life.

If you’re going to join a country club but not be able to tip well, you shouldn’t belong in the first place.

One of the main reasons why I did well as a caddy and a waiter is because I enjoying going above and beyond for people. I like making people happy. It’s fun.

It’s also one of the reasons why I wanted to be in a B to C business as opposed to a B to B business. I love dealing directly with the end users.

I just got ‘the’ holiday card from my building with 25 people I’ve never heard of. It turns out that being a good doorman and building a (good) business aren’t so different after all.

A doorman knows everything about our lives; probably a little too much!

A good doorman actually takes an interest in his customers. He cares about you (his customer). And it’s so easy for him to care because he can see what’s going on in your life.

He knows:

What you are doing and where you are going. Your work hours better than anyone.

Your favorite delivery food and how often you eat it. If you exercise.

When you go shopping and what you are ordering via mail. Your friends and family and how often you hang out with them.

Who you are seeing (and who you shouldn’t be seeing).

His job is to make your life as easy as possible by helping you solve little problems. Whether it’s holding packages, letting workers up to your apartment, holding doors open, or whatever the case may be.

If he’s a superstar, he’ll take the time to learn about you, making sure to establish that emotional connection. He’ll go out of his way to greet you in the morning. He’ll run to open the door for you.

He acknowledges you and shows his appreciation and leaves you with a lasting impression as you take on the day.

In fact, a good doorman is sincere 365 days a year 24/7 since the day you moved in. Sure, we all have our bad moments. You make it up next time, though. We are all forgiving.

But, doesn’t it make you cringe when all of the sudden your doormen are being extra nice?

When a doorman just expects tips just because he’s a doorman and is being extra nice just because it is holiday time people sense that in .1 seconds. If he really cared about serving people and wanted to make a difference, people would sense that too. They’d appreciate it. And guess what? They’d tell their neighbors how much they love the guy and make sure he was well taken care of.

Here’s the key to being a good doorman: Act like a caring person who likes to go above and beyond.

Here’s the key to being a superstar doorman: Actually, BE a caring person who likes to go above and beyond. (If you’re not, you’re in the wrong business. Because it’s much easier to be than to act.)

Here’s a post I wrote almost two years ago about my terrible doormen who thought everything was coming to them!

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The Egg White and Turkey Test – Do You Pass It?

November 16, 2007          Comments (3)

Every once in a while, on my way home from the gym in the mornings, I’ll get myself breakfast. Nothing crazy. I’ll get egg whites and turkey in a whole wheat wrap. It’s amazing. Well, at least to me it is.

I would say one out of every ten times I order this it gets messed up. Usually, they throw in cheese. I don’t like cheese except on pizza.

It’s very frustrating as I’m all set to eat my breakfast. I have my little protein shake. My paper and my egg white and turkey wrap. It’s a beautiful thing.

I open it and boom there is cheese. I won’t eat it. Not even for health reasons. I just don’t like it. I then have to make my own egg whites, which I usually do anyway, but it’s annoying to say the least.

I’m paying $4.00 for something that would cost me about 60 cents to make myself.

The next time I go back to the place, I’ll usually tell the manager after I emphasize egg whites and turkey only. See, I used to request egg whites and turkey and NO cheese. Bad move and I quickly realized it.

These grill guys hear cheese and it’s going on there whether I want it or not. It used to happen to me when I would ask for no cheese on my hamburgers.

Anyway, I must say that every time, except once, the manager of the particular place has apologized and made good on it by not charging me.

This is refreshing and smart. $4.00 and the principle of my anti-climatic breakfast is worth more to me (or caused me more hassle) than it is to them.

Hats off to the managers at Pax Whole Foods and Teresa’s Gourmet for passing my accidental egg white and turkey test.

Maybe when you Google your business this will come up and you can reward your managers for doing the right thing.

It’s happened before!

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What I Would Do If I Was A Broker…

November 12, 2007          Comments (5)

For those keeping score at home…I moved. I now live on 61st between 2nd and 3rd avenues in NYC. Moving anywhere is a huge hassle but especially in New York!

Most buildings require you to go through a broker but dealing with a broker is like having to use some one else’s hands to eat but they are too busy doing something else. The person knows you are hungry but they could care less. In fact, not only don’t they care but they will try to take all of your food too.

I went through 4 different brokers because all of these people forgot to do one important thing: Listen. They wanted to show me apartments that they wanted to show me. Not apartments I wanted to see.

I don’t appreciate having my time wasted. And in the end I didn’t even use a broker.

Being a broker must be a tough gig. No one wants to deal with you and most people don’t value your service. I’ve never met anyone who was happy to pay their broker. I’ve also never met anyone who has recommended their broker.

“Adam, I have this guy. You must use him. He only charged us a $35,000 broker fee and get this…he even waived the application fee for us!” Doesn’t happen.

What if your broker met you where you wanted instead of you having to go to their offices that are usually far away from where you want to look? What if she took you out for lunch? You sat down and she genuinely and sincerely wanted to learn more about you and why you’re moving. She’d also learn about my budget and where I wanted to move and what days and times are good for me to check out places.

Depending on your situation she would say something like, “Yes. I know moving sucks. But listen. I am going to be 1000% committed to making this as painless as possible for you. I know. Believe me. But, just know that I won’t stop until we find something that you totally love.”

Or she might say something like, “Wow! That’s so exciting. Congrats! So moving in with the girlfriend huh? That’s great. This is so exciting and I want to find a special place for you two. I’ll make it happen. You have my word.”

Or, “I know. I know the city is big. I know it can be overwhelming but you remember when you were overwhelmed at first by high school? Now look at you. Before you know it, you’ll feel like you own this place. Now, tell me. What do you think you like and where do you think you want to live?”

She’ll also say something like listen, “I know the rates we and all brokers charge are very expensive. But I want you to know one thing. I will break my back for you. I am determined to find the best possible place for you for the least amount of money. Your happiness is my goal.”

Once the quick lunch is over she’d say something like, “Okay Adam, so let’s meet on Sunday at 11 AM because that’s the most convenient time for you. I will have at least 10 places to show you and all of these places will meet your exact specs because I don’t want to waste your time.”

I would leave our initial meeting relieved and feeling that I am in very good hands. I’d also have high expectations.

But here is where the magic happens. If she actually delivers on her word then she will get a lot of referrals from me and not because I have to but because I want to. I (and most everyone) appreciates when someone goes out of their way for them.

Here is a girl that is going above and beyond and taking something that is painful and making it stress and pain free.

Three weeks later, I’d get a letter in the mail congratulating me on my new apartment with a gift card to a place like Best Buy or Bed Bath & Beyond or Home Depot. (The expensive broker fee can easily justify that.)

That’s a broker I would have loved to use and would have gladly paid.

It’s the little things that really count. Always.

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“Adam, that was a great response. Yet another proof point that you have a huge gift.”

November 8, 2007          Comments (3)

One of my clients wrote that to me this morning after we exchanged emails about some challenges she was dealing with.

It made my day. Every time a client writes something really nice I save it. I have over 1000 really nice compliments. The types of compliments that you read over and over again when you need some inspiration.

I am a sucker for praise. Who isn’t?

But it’s amazing how many people feel under appreciated. I’ve read in countless management books (and I know first hand) that a thank you goes a long way. A sincere thank you though. A heart felt thank you.

How many times have you spent your hard earned money somewhere and been treated like your money doesn’t matter. Treated as if they could care less about you. I hate it. We all have so many choices and options available to us. Why in the world would I spend my money with you if you don’t give a shit? Maybe you do.

But I don’t know that unless you tell me or better yet show me.

I tell my clients how much I appreciate them from time to time. They allow me to do what I love doing. This is what I want to with my life.

I would go to the moon and back and back again for my clients. I am NOTHING without my clients. I don’t have a business unless I have clients.

We all like to feel appreciated. Even Grandma Ester for her ‘famous chicken cutlets’ likes to feel appreciated.

It’s comments and praise like this that keeps me going. This is why I know my program will change the world. This is why I know I’m onto something absolutely huge.

2 things for you to do today.

One: If you are a business owner email or call your clients. Tell them how much you appreciate their business. I can’t remember the last time I got an email from a company simply thanking me without ANY sales pitches.

Two: If you are not a business owner email or call your loved ones. Tell them how much they mean to you. How much you appreciate them.

I bet it’ll make their day.

Just like this made my day!

[1 hour after writing this a client writes me this: “I increasingly feel the need to trumpet your program from the rooftops. I was actually tossing around your business model (from what I’ve seen of it) and was trying (for the hell of it) to poke holes in your approach. I guess I’m just floored that you’re the first person/this is the first program to ever begin to make a dent in my ingrained bad behaviors.

I’m EXTREMELY strong minded, and tried-and-true therapists and outpatient clinics couldn’t make a dent in my “bad coping mechanisms”. Also, I’m wearing the clothes I wore when I was absolutely killing myself at the gym for hours every day, and not eating. The power of consistency is mind blowing.” ]

Wow! I really do have the best clients in the world. And thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every single one of my clients for allowing me to do what I absolutely love doing!

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What In The World is Tenjooberrymuds?

September 6, 2007          Comments (3)

By the time you read through this you will understand Tenjooberrymuds…

The following is a recent hilarious yet scary telephone exchange I had with room-service in America mind you:

Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Me: “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

RS: ” Rye Roon sirbees…morrin! J oowish to oddor sunteen???”

Me: “Uh….. Yes, I’d like to order bacon and eggs.”

RS: “Ow July den?”

Me: “…..What??”

RS: “Ow July den?!?… pryed, boyud, poochd?”

Me: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please.”

RS: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”

Me: “Crisp will be fine.”

RS: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”

Me: “What?”

RS: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”

Me: “I… don’t think so.”

RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”

Me: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RS: “Toes! Toes!..Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”

Me: “Oh, English muffin!!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RS: “We bodder?”

Me: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”

RS: “Wad?!?”

Me: “I mean butter… just put the butter on the side.”

RS: “Copy?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

RS: “Copy…tea…meel?”

Me: “Yes. Coffee, please.. and that’s everything.”

RS: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy… rye??”

Me: “Whatever you say.”

RS: “Tenjooberrymuds.”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Have you ever experienced anything like this? For some reason many companies believe customer service is an expense.


Customer service is a profit center. You do right by your customers and they’ll go out of their way for you.

They say when in Rome do as the Romans do. How about when dealing with English speaking clientele speak English!

Jud unda stang?

(Disclaimer: I am not a racist or anything close to it. Just stating the facts here folks.)

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Welcome Millionaire Blueprint Readers!

July 27, 2007          Comments (2)

Thanks for stopping by. Call me crazy but I’m going to assume that if you made it this far you enjoyed my article. I’ll be writing a regular column for Millionaire Blueprints Teen so be sure to look out for it.

I also write frequently right here on my blog. Anything business and life is fair game. I know. That’s like saying the problem with infinity is that there’s too much of it.

But most of my articles deal with business in some way, shape or form but I don’t like to be restricted.

My job is all about your most favorite person in the world: YOU!

My duties include but are not limited to: making you think, inspiring you, entertaining you, motivating you and maybe, just maybe, teaching you a thing or two.

I can assure you of several things. I don’t know all of the answers but I can help you ask the right questions. You have a major advantage over many people. Your thirst for knowledge will help you tremendously. You have a long leg up on most people.

If you’re already craving more GuruGilbert and can’t wait until my next article fret no more.

On the right hand side of this blog there is a link entitled ‘favorites’. Grab a comfy seat, some good nosh and have yourself a party. And if you don’t feel like moving I can even hand deliver each of my posts right into your inbox.

I love hearing from my readers so don’t be shy.

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What a small world it is! This is really incredible.

July 24, 2007          Comments (3)

For you to be as astounded as I am you have to read this post first which I wrote a few months ago.

Yesterday, Nancy writes, “Glad you enjoyed the singing waitress at Verdi’s. She happens to be my mom (Adrianna) and is thrilled that you have written about her. Next time you are visiting Grandma, go see Adrianna again. My mom has had a very interesting life which would make a great story if you wanted to write about it! She’s 80 years old and has been at Verdi’s over 30 years carrying trays, serving people, and singing her heart out.”

-Nancy Porcelli

I was absolutely amazed and I replied to her email immediately asking how she found my article.

Nancy writes, “My mom called me this A.M. and told me that her boss, Josephine Femia, googled her name and found your article. That’s how I found your blog. My mom is like a female version of Leo Buscaglia. She is such a positive person even though she has had a lot of adversity in her life. It would make a great story.

Her other daughter Linda writes, “Loved your blog about my mom, Adriana. Just one correction though, Nick & Josephine had nothing to do with the planning of this, this is my mom ALL the time. She’s such a positive person that customers actually have told her that they come in just to feel better. She genuinely LOVES life, even though hers has been less than positive. Thanks for the story!”

PS: I’m her other daughter in Fort Lauderdale

3 powerful lessons here:

ONE: Most people never say anything if they like something. You definitely have customers or you definitely are a customer of many places because they do something a certain way.

If they changed that certain thing you might stop going. For example, when I go to the diner under my building and order my grilled chicken sandwich or turkey burger, every single time, my man, Sammy, brings me like 10 pickles. He knows I love pickles and I don’t even have to ask him for extra pickles anymore.

Most people are too busy to say something nice. But if you believe in what you’re doing and people are coming back and referring you then don’t stop what you are doing!

It could be the smallest thing that people really enjoy…the free prize! (Or, the pickles!)

TWO: Recognition is very nice. However, if you’re in business to be recognized you’re in the wrong field. If you are doing what you love day in and day out then people will take notice. Not because you ask them to but because they want to recognize you.

THREE: Have fun with what you do. If you don’t love it quit. You will never succeed if you don’t love what you do.

Adrianna is successful because she loves making people laugh and feel great and singing her heart out. Mark Zuckerberg is successful because he loves connecting people. Bill Gates is successful because he loves software. Sergey Brin and Larry Page are successful because they love organizing information. Steve Jobs is successful because he loves innovating. And on and on and on…

Your template: I am successful because I ____________and I _____________and I_____________and although people may not really say anything to me I keep getting raises, I keep getting new clients and people continue to refer me and are wanting to work with me.

Thanks Nancy for emailing me and we’ll definitely do a follow up story about your Mom soon.

P.S. Tell your mom to leave a pitcher of water for me with extra lemons on the table next time. I love lemon water and I hate bothering waiters because I used to be one!

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Resentment and the iPhone…

June 21, 2007          Comments (0)

The iPhone is generating some amazing buzz. The big day is June 29th…

I believe Apple is on the verge of another grand slam. Industry experts are all over the place with this thing though.

Steve Ballmer (Microsoft) says, “There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance.”

My prediction: In 2007, Apple will sell 1.5 million phones. And even more in 2008.

I want this phone. Badly.

But wait. Good ol’ Verizon has me [insert Akon’s “Locked up”…they won’t let me out] for another year.

Check this: I read a story about a company’s CEO who was very adamant on being completely honest with his clients and employees. He wanted the best for them.

When potential clients came to him and he didn’t think he could help them meet their objectives he’d tell them. When he came across remarkable jobs with challenges, compensation and benefits he couldn’t offer he’d tell his employees about it.

Wow! Imagine that.

Your boss telling you about a job he thinks you’d be interested in while turning away potential business.

If your boss is that honest and sincere you wouldn’t want to leave.

If Verizon actually cared about their customers instead of acting like a monopoly then they wouldn’t have countless people ranting about their awful service.

Now, if Verizon really cared about their clients and really believed they had “America’s most reliable coverage” they should (and would) let their customers go and try Cingular and be confident that they will come back.

I want this iPhone and Verizon is holding me back.

I resent you Verizon. I really do.

Once again, can you hear me now?

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What does a tuna sandwich have to do with an umbrella?

June 4, 2007          Comments (1)

As yesterday was torrentially pouring, I learned a valuable business lesson.

In today’s hyper cluttered, super busy world we all are extremely loyal to brands.

Or are we?

Some people wouldn’t switch for anything, no matter how cool, expensive and exclusive it may be. Others are always looking for a bargain and don’t really care what the tag or label says. And some are constantly in search for the next best thing. These early adopters become the trend setters.

We are in such a low trust world, no one believes anything anymore!

There are more scams, more emails from Africa claiming that I’m going to be a millionaire and not enough time to sort through all the clutter.

People practice professional skepticism. (Oh my God, that reminds me of my former career. Excuse me. Sorry. I just threw up in my mouth.)

I enjoy going to the gym in the afternoon and then once in a while getting a whole wheat bagel with Dirty sour cream and onion potato chips and a couple of free pickles from my local deli.

I used to actually get tuna on the bagel but then I realized that I make tuna better than my deli. The key is to really mash it down so it’s very fine. Then, I cut up celery so small it literally won’t come off the knife. Next, I take a carrot and peel off a few slices so they are razor thin. I make sure to cut the slices up into micro pieces.

The crunch from the celery and carrots is so subtle yet so amazing. Add some mayo and we have a party.

It’ll make you part your eye brows with your tongue!

Finally, I let it cool in the fridge for 30 minutes because I can’t eat warm tuna.

I digress!

I don’t have an umbrella. I seem to keep losing them or they keep disappearing. So, all I wanted to do yesterday was run quickly to my deli and spend my $2.00 on my bagel and chips.

I didn’t want to get drenched though. So, I decided I’d ask the parking garage guy if I could borrow his (very visible) umbrella.

“Hola Amigo!!! May I borrow your umbrella? I’m literally going 300 yards to the deli. I just don’t want to get soaked.”

“Ohh no my friend. This isn’t mine.”

“Well whose is it? I just want to borrow it for 2 minutes. I live in this building.”

“I wish I could. I can’t. It’s not mine.”

“Really. That’s strange whose is it?”

“Some guy who just parked his car. He had to run down the street quickly. He’ll be right back.”

“Aww really. Just for 2 minutes man? C’mon. I promise. I’m not going to take your umbrella. What guy is going to run down the street without his umbrella right now? It’s pouring!”

“Ahhh amigo you got me. Okay, okay. For only two minutes though?”

“Yes. I swear. I’ll be right back!”

And this was all to get an umbrella! And he knew where I lived. But in his defense, he didn’t know me from a hole in the wall.

Wait a second. Isn’t that how business works?

Could you get a perfect stranger to lend you there umbrella?

Well, that’s exactly what I do every day for a living. And so does anyone else with a business.

How can you make your product or service as risk free as possible for strangers to give you a chance?

3 things you should do.

1. Stop marketing your product/service right now if you don’t believe in it 1000%. People sense sincerity (or lack of) very quickly.

2. Offer a money back guarantee. If you really believe in what you are doing then you shouldn’t have to think twice about offering a money back guarantee.

3. Include testimonials. People like to see that other people are using (and loving) your product/service. And don’t be afraid to include testimonials that are less than stellar. The more real and honest you are the better. (Note: In my type of business a lot of people are hesitant to include their full name, etc. If that’s the case, be prepared to hand over a list with your clients contact information – of course, you must ask your clients for permission to do this but if you can, that’s impressive!)

So, here’s my question to you. How can you umbrellerize your business?

Boy is my tuna good!

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