When I was a little kid I always thought adults had it all figured out. That they didn’t think about the things kids do. You know. They were adults. Everything is all good!

I think every kid believes this. I can vividly remember dreaming about what I’d be like when I was 26. Kids believe adults are more refined than children.

What I’ve learned is that adults are children with more responsibility…and maybe perspective and insight…and maybe not.

I think we become who we are at a very young age. Curious people will for, the most part, be curious their entire lives. Warm people will be warm. Trusting people will be trusting. Assholes, for the most part, will be assholes. Ambitious will be ambitious…

But as we grow up many of us lose our idealism. We forget about our dreams. We forget what we really want for ourselves.

“Reality” sets in. I’ve realized that reality is an illusion. You can make your reality whatever you want it to be. But unfortunately, as an adult fear becomes a dominant part of our life.

When you’re a kid you don’t think about reality. You’re fearless, for the most part.

For some, what other people might think plays an even bigger role and drives us in directions we never even wanted to go in.

But when when we’re young, we all think we’re invincible.

I think about how I used to drive as a high school and college student and I can’t believe how much of a maniac I was. I was fearless. Nothing can happen to me! Nothing can happen to my friends!

I look at my brother in law who just bought a quad. For his birthday my sister got him this awesome remote control car. He will always be a kid at heart. And I love that.

So what happens to so many of us? Why do so many people tense up? Harden up? Lose our ability to have fun? Become numb?

And ironically, when we’re kids we’re always looking to the future. We can’t wait for it!

So, as I turn 26 today, I think there are two important lessons that I want to remind you (and really myself) of:

One: The grass is always greener on the other side. The problem with always looking on the other side is that you never appreciate what you have on your side! I think being grateful is extremely important to your happiness. After all, it’s impossible to be grateful and unhappy at the same time! This is exactly why I ask my clients to tell me 3 things they are grateful for every night. (Although it has nothing to do with their health and fitness it has everything to do with it!)

Two. Happiness (which is what it’s all about) is right now! Not later! When we’re kids and even adults, many of us live for that person or thing or event to make us happy. “I’ll be happy when…”

But if you’re not happy now, what makes you think you’ll be happy later? And when you’re looking to the future to make you happy, you’re not living life now!

And before you know it, you’ll be an old man or woman wondering where the heck your life went…

And that thought makes me act like the idealistic and fearless boy I always want to be!

Recently, I sold a domain name I owned.

After 6 weeks of negotiating, the person interested in buying the name said something like, “Let’s wrap this up already!” Even though I got the price I wanted, I was the one delaying the closure of the deal because I was enjoying the negotiations!

It wasn’t about the money.

There was something thrilling about writing an offer via email and waiting for the response. The back and forth was so enjoyable! It was, of course, the anticipation.

The same thing happened with my new website for MyBodyTutor.com. A very tiny part of me didn’t want it to be completed so I could say ‘my new website is coming soon…’ This way, I could just think about the potential of it because thinking about the potential is very exciting.

Anticipation can absolutely make your life better. And sometimes, I enjoy the anticipation of an event more so than the actual event I’m anticipating!

Whether it’s planning trips or figuring out your fun plans for the week or weekend, setting things up for yourself to look forward to will absolutely make you happier.

I try to create anticipation as often as possible. Even in odd ways.

For example, if I get an email from one of my friends that I know is going to be funny and filled with plenty of banter (I can never get enough banter) or any sort of message, sometimes I’ll actually wait a while before I check it. If I get a package in the mail I might not open it for a couple of days. Or if there’s a book or a blog post I’m excited to read, I won’t read it for a few weeks or hours.

Even just waiting 30 minutes to check a text message or an email from someone you’re looking forward to hearing from can work wonders for your happiness and can also boost productivity!

Anticipation and curiosity is a form of tension and when there’s tension you’re going to want to relieve it.

It’ll make you extremely focused if you set boundaries like I have to finish xyz before I check it.

Here are some other examples of odd things I do to create anticipation to get things done:

One. After I cook dinner, and my food looks all beautiful on my plate, I’ll clean all the dishes right then and there (besides, the plate of course). The anticipation of eating my deliciously healthy and warm home cooked meals forces me to get the dishes done. If I want dinner…I have to clean the dishes!

Two. Sometimes, I relent and leave the dishes for after dinner. I drink a lot of water and am constantly peeing. After dinner I usually have to pee badly but before I let myself pee I’ll clean all of the dishes. If I want to pee…I have to clean the dishes.

Three. While I’m using mouthwash, I’ll quickly clean my room. The tension and anticipation of getting the minty burning sensation out of my mouth, forces to me focus on the task at hand! If I don’t want to be in minty pain…I have to clean my room quickly!

How can you use anticipation to make yourself happier and/or more productive?

Try it. It works wonders!

[This post made it to the front of BrazenCareerist.com. Check out the comments by clicking here!]

Last week I was in Florida enjoying the gorgeous weather. We also celebrated my Nanny’s 85th birthday! No birthday celebration in Florida is complete without a visit to Verdi’s which I wrote about last year because I couldn’t get over their singing waitress Adriana.

[This entire story is crazy. I first wrote about Verdi’s on May 6th, 2007 just because I wanted to. Then in late July of 2007, I got an email from Nancy and a comment on this blog from Linda (Adriana’s daughters) about how they came across my story.]

I’ve been writing about happiness lately because I believe that is the point of everything we do. In fact, writing this blog makes me happy whether 1 person reads it or 5000.

I also believe that the pursuit of happiness is flawed. True sustained happiness can only come from with in.

Adriana is one of a kind. Never in my life have I had a waitress that sings while she’s serving, is always smiling, tells hilarious jokes, never misses a beat, goes that extra mile, has a great voice, loves what she does, has faced a ton of adversity, is truly happy and is 81 years old.

She really is incredible. She is a superstar in life.

Adriana instantly remembered me as did Nick and Josephine (the owners of Verdi’s) because of my blog post and I spoke to Adriana a lot more in depth this year about happiness.

She shared 3 things with me that I really liked:

1. Life is too short to be unhappy. Some people choose to be unhappy and only focus on the negative things in their life while others choose to happy and focus on the amazing things in their life. The choice is simple.

2. The best things in life are free. This is so true. If you think about your most enjoyable experiences you’re not thinking about money, clothes and material possessions. Adriana believes that most people don’t realize this. I agree.

3. It’s all in your attitude. Adriana, who should be on Broadway, has been a waitress for 31 years at Verdi’s (I think that’s what she said) and I’m sure she has seen it all. I was a waiter (for only 5 months) and I saw a lot. She says she always tries to out happy someone.

If someone is miserable she’ll kill them with kindness. She won’t ever stoop down to their level. She always laughs at how people go ballistic when they spill something on themselves. It’s only a piece of clothing.

She also told this story of how a little girl told her class that her favorite activity while in Florida was going to Verdi’s and seeing the singing waitress. Adriana, has a lot of fans (myself included, obviously!) as many of the regular customers tell her they go there just to feel good. Her positive attitude is contagious.

Adrianna said making people happy, makes her really happy. It’s a gift she has and she loves every second of it.

I, too, love making people happy and writing this will hopefully make Adriana happy.

You may not realize it but the more choices you have to make the less happy you’re going to be. I’m experiencing this right now as I’m trying to plan a summer trip.

Originally, the plan was to go to Italy and Rome. Then one of my friends mentioned Egypt which is a place I have always wanted to see and then the Greek Islands came up. We’re all over the place and still haven’t decided and it’s driving me crazy.

Barry Schwartz’s classic, The Paradox of Choice: Why more is less has 2 amazing principles: The more options you consider, the more buyers regret you’ll have. And the more options you encounter, the less fulfilling your final outcome will be.

I think this applies to every aspect of our lives. Whether it’s picking a job, a type of business to start, a person to date, where to live, where to go and on and on. The more options that are available to you, the less happy you will be with your final outcome.

Why? Well it’s very simple. Our fear of losing things is a lot stronger than our desire to gain things is. Tell me how I might lose $20,000 by doing X and my attention will be a lot greater than if you were to tell me how I might make $20,000 by doing X.

Also, the more choices you face, the more regret you might have. Regret is simply making decisions in the past. Clearly, that’s not going to do anything.

I’ve observed that the most successful (successful in this case meaning in business) make fairly large decisions very quickly. Now or never. It either feels good or it doesn’t.

I believe that’s why the book Blink: The power of thinking without thinking became so popular in the business world because it proves that your gut instincts about a person or thing are right a lot more often than we give them credit for.

So does that mean you should never do research? No. It just means if you’re looking to buy a plasma TV or a pair of sneakers or even a car, or, are looking to hire a part time assistant; seriously considering and comparing 20 different choices is not going to help you.

The less decisions you ultimately make, the happier you’re going to be. Regret is a lot harder to deal with than wondering is.

It’s why people will stay with their significant other even though they are unhappy. It’s why people will stay at their job even though they hate it. It’s why entrepreneurs tend to work with the same people over and over. It’s why most people go to the same few restaurants over and over.

It’s why people never start working out and eating right. Why? Because there are a million different bogus diets and workouts out there.

It’s why people crave stability.

Oh and the $20,000. It worked.

Didn’t it?

This is one of my favorite inspirational videos of all time. You may have seen this already as this guy was on Oprah but it’s worth watching again and again and again. In September of 2007, Randy Pausch gave a final lecture to his students at Carnegie Mellon. It has since been downloaded more than a million times on the Internet.

There’s an academic tradition called the Last Lecture. Hypothetically, if you knew you were going to die and you had one last lecture, what would you say to your students?

Well, for Randy, it wasn’t hypothetical as he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.

Here are some of the golden nuggets I got from the video:

You can’t control the cards you’re dealt, just how you play the hands.

We all have childhood dreams and it’s very important to remember that anything is possible and we should never lose that spirit.

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

When you’re doing a bad job and nobody points it out to you it’s because nobody cares about you.

Brick walls are in the way of our dreams for a reason: They let us prove how badly we want things.

Always have fun and have a sense of wonder.

Be humble.

Express your creativity.

People are a lot more important than things.

Decide if you’re Tigger or Eeyore.

Live with integrity.

Tell the truth.

When you screw up apologize.

A good apology has 3 parts:
1. I’m sorry
2. It was my fault
3. How do I make it right? Most people skip that third part. That’s how can you tell sincerity.

Show gratitude, it’s very powerful!

Don’t complain; just work harder.

If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you if you live properly.

Just ignore everything people say and just pay attention to what they do.

The best definition I know of time well spent is to have helped a lot of other people.

Evidently, I’m touching on a huge nerve when I write about happiness. I’m getting a lot of email and comments from my happiness posts.

Here are some scary numbers:

*Less than 30 percent of people report being deeply happy.

*Twenty-five percent of Americans and 27 percent of Europeans claim they are depressed.

*The World Health Organization predicts that by 2020, depression will be second only to heart disease in terms of the global burden of illness.

I believe all unhappy people make themselves unhappy because true happiness has to come from within. No person or material thing can make you happy because as soon as you have that person or thing, you’re going to want that next person or thing.

I know several highly successful people who have done 10 or 15 day silence/meditation retreats. That means there is absolutely no TV, music, internet, and of course, talking for 10 or 15 straight days.

It’s just you and your thoughts.

Many people I know can’t even be alone for more than 10 minutes. They are constantly busy going from one job to the next or one friend to the next or one TV show to the next so they are never alone with their thoughts until bed time and by that time they are totally exhausted.

Walk around NYC and you’ll see most everyone is listening to their iPod. People much rather listen to their music than their thoughts.

But, if you saw a person talking to herself, you’d think she was crazy. In reality, the only difference between us and that ‘crazy’ person is that we aren’t talking out loud. Many people can’t stand their thoughts and they resort to alcohol which calms or stills their mind (or thoughts).

The opposite of calming your thoughts is rising above your thoughts. Being able to rise above your thoughts is another word for being enlightened which is very, very difficult.

Let’s think about this: Your friend says to you, “I’m making myself crazy!” My friends say it all the time, I say it all the time; we all do. But what does that mean?

How can you be making yourself crazy? If you say that enough times, you’ll realize you aren’t your thoughts. There is YOU and then there is your mind/body. We’ve been so conditioned to think that we are our thoughts. Our thoughts define us.

Essentially that is what our ego is. Our ego is our self-constructed self in our mind. I might define myself as a creative and ambitious entrepreneur among many other things. But that’s not what I really am. That’s my thoughts defining who I am.

The big question to spirituality and enlightenment and inner peace and ultimately true happiness is to figure out who and what you really are…

(FYI: No one knows that answer. And the experts who do can’t explain it. Apparently, you can just feel it.)

And if you can do that, you’ll never have to rely on drugs, alcohol or anything else to make you happy.

Pretty, pretty, pretty cool!

I just need sign up 10 businesses. Okay, let’s sign up 25. No, I can do better. Sign up 50. Wait, I forgot those last 15 businesses. Now I have a dynamite product. It’s go time.

I just need to print my discount cards. That’s too expensive. I can get a better price. Keep negotiating!

I just need the University Bookstore, Mando books and Book Bridge to sell my cards. Now, get as many sororities and fraternities as possible to sell your cards.

I just want to break even so I don’t lose money. I can do better than that. I just want to sell 500 cards so I make a little bit of money. Alright, let’s just sell 1000 cards. Forget that, let’s really kill it. I can do better. Sell 1500 cards. And don’t quit until you do.

If only I can partner with Student Advantage. Keep calling until you get the CEO…

One day I hope to find an amazing woman and create an extraordinary life with her. I will build MyBodyTutor into a leading global health and fitness company. I’d love to be able to buy my dream car one day. I can’t wait to have (at least) 2 - 5 kids who are child prodigies from excessive training. Building my dream house is going to be thrilling. Going to sporting events and playing sports with my son(s) is going to be a blast…

What is the point of everything we do in life?

To be happy right? Everything we do is to make ourselves happy whether we realize it or not.

There is a major flaw in this thinking though. A person or a thing can’t make you happy. Only you can make you happy. Happiness MUST come from within.

For example, if I believe that I’m going to be so happy when I meet the girl of my dreams I’m doomed.
That means I’m putting my happiness in the hands of someone else. My dream girl, whether she knows it, or not, is responsible for my happiness.

That’s crazy! That means every time she does something I don’t like, I’m going to be unhappy. That’s why most relationships fail in my (very!) humble opinion. People expect their partner to make them happy. But only you can make you happy.

If you aren’t happy by yourself then expecting a car or a person to make you happy is ridiculous. And unfortunately, most people believe that a person or a dollar amount in the bank or a car is going to make them truly happy.

Every human being has one HUGE thing in common and that’s the desire to be truly happy…and I wonder if you’re constantly pursuing happiness in the form of cars, money, etc., when will you ever be happy?

Ever since I graduated college, I have been obsessed with figuring out what makes me happy. I think the pursuit of happiness is by far the most important pursuit. And the pursuit started only after college because that was the first time I could truly be or do anything I wanted.

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” -Aristotle

When I was at Ernst & Young, it was kind of freaking me out that I wasn’t that happy…or as happy as I could be…based on my past happiness.

But the question, “How Happy Are You” is unreliable.

I cannot measure my happiness in absolute terms, so I have to answer in relative terms. I have to think, “Compared to Bob, I’m so happy, but compared to Doug, I’m not.” Or I have to think, “Compared to when I broke my foot 3 days before my Bar Mitzvah (true story!), I’m happy, but compared to when I thought I fell in love I’m not.”

And am I thinking of my momentary happiness, my happiness over the last hour, or my happiness over the past year? If it is momentary happiness, what if I have spent the last minute reflecting on bad childhood memories? Should I say that I am unhappy? Maybe 10 minutes from now I will be reflecting on fond memories. Should I then say that I am happy?

What makes me happy might not make you happy. And what makes you happy might not make me happy.

I believe one sure way to be unhappy is to settle for mediocrity. Actually, I think settling in any facet of your life is a sure way to be unhappy. That’s unforgivable.

I think the subject of happiness is fascinating. After all, we are all here only one time. Why wouldn’t you want to be as happy as possible? I’m determined to live the best and happiest life I can. I want to live the life of my dreams. I have way too much at stake not to.

Don’t we all though?