Category: Happiness

You may not realize it but the more choices you have to make the less happy you’re going to be. I’m experiencing this right now as I’m trying to plan a summer trip.

Originally, the plan was to go to Italy and Rome. Then one of my friends mentioned Egypt which is a place I have always wanted to see and then the Greek Islands came up. We’re all over the place and still haven’t decided and it’s driving me crazy.

Barry Schwartz’s classic, The Paradox of Choice: Why more is less has 2 amazing principles: The more options you consider, the more buyers regret you’ll have. And the more options you encounter, the less fulfilling your final outcome will be.

I think this applies to every aspect of our lives. Whether it’s picking a job, a type of business to start, a person to date, where to live, where to go and on and on. The more options that are available to you, the less happy you will be with your final outcome.

Why? Well it’s very simple. Our fear of losing things is a lot stronger than our desire to gain things is. Tell me how I might lose $20,000 by doing X and my attention will be a lot greater than if you were to tell me how I might make $20,000 by doing X.

Also, the more choices you face, the more regret you might have. Regret is simply making decisions in the past. Clearly, that’s not going to do anything.

I’ve observed that the most successful (successful in this case meaning in business) make fairly large decisions very quickly. Now or never. It either feels good or it doesn’t.

I believe that’s why the book Blink: The power of thinking without thinking became so popular in the business world because it proves that your gut instincts about a person or thing are right a lot more often than we give them credit for.

So does that mean you should never do research? No. It just means if you’re looking to buy a plasma TV or a pair of sneakers or even a car, or, are looking to hire a part time assistant; seriously considering and comparing 20 different choices is not going to help you.

The less decisions you ultimately make, the happier you’re going to be. Regret is a lot harder to deal with than wondering is.

It’s why people will stay with their significant other even though they are unhappy. It’s why people will stay at their job even though they hate it. It’s why entrepreneurs tend to work with the same people over and over. It’s why most people go to the same few restaurants over and over.

It’s why people never start working out and eating right. Why? Because there are a million different bogus diets and workouts out there.

It’s why people crave stability.

Oh and the $20,000. It worked.

Didn’t it?

Evidently, I’m touching on a huge nerve when I write about happiness. I’m getting a lot of email and comments from my happiness posts.

Here are some scary numbers:

*Less than 30 percent of people report being deeply happy.

*Twenty-five percent of Americans and 27 percent of Europeans claim they are depressed.

*The World Health Organization predicts that by 2020, depression will be second only to heart disease in terms of the global burden of illness.

I believe all unhappy people make themselves unhappy because true happiness has to come from within. No person or material thing can make you happy because as soon as you have that person or thing, you’re going to want that next person or thing.

I know several highly successful people who have done 10 or 15 day silence/meditation retreats. That means there is absolutely no TV, music, internet, and of course, talking for 10 or 15 straight days.

It’s just you and your thoughts.

Many people I know can’t even be alone for more than 10 minutes. They are constantly busy going from one job to the next or one friend to the next or one TV show to the next so they are never alone with their thoughts until bed time and by that time they are totally exhausted.

Walk around NYC and you’ll see most everyone is listening to their iPod. People much rather listen to their music than their thoughts.

But, if you saw a person talking to herself, you’d think she was crazy. In reality, the only difference between us and that ‘crazy’ person is that we aren’t talking out loud. Many people can’t stand their thoughts and they resort to alcohol which calms or stills their mind (or thoughts).

The opposite of calming your thoughts is rising above your thoughts. Being able to rise above your thoughts is another word for being enlightened which is very, very difficult.

Let’s think about this: Your friend says to you, “I’m making myself crazy!” My friends say it all the time, I say it all the time; we all do. But what does that mean?

How can you be making yourself crazy? If you say that enough times, you’ll realize you aren’t your thoughts. There is YOU and then there is your mind/body. We’ve been so conditioned to think that we are our thoughts. Our thoughts define us.

Essentially that is what our ego is. Our ego is our self-constructed self in our mind. I might define myself as a creative and ambitious entrepreneur among many other things. But that’s not what I really am. That’s my thoughts defining who I am.

The big question to spirituality and enlightenment and inner peace and ultimately true happiness is to figure out who and what you really are…

(FYI: No one knows that answer. And the experts who do can’t explain it. Apparently, you can just feel it.)

And if you can do that, you’ll never have to rely on drugs, alcohol or anything else to make you happy.

Pretty, pretty, pretty cool!

I just need sign up 10 businesses. Okay, let’s sign up 25. No, I can do better. Sign up 50. Wait, I forgot those last 15 businesses. Now I have a dynamite product. It’s go time.

I just need to print my discount cards. That’s too expensive. I can get a better price. Keep negotiating!

I just need the University Bookstore, Mando books and Book Bridge to sell my cards. Now, get as many sororities and fraternities as possible to sell your cards.

I just want to break even so I don’t lose money. I can do better than that. I just want to sell 500 cards so I make a little bit of money. Alright, let’s just sell 1000 cards. Forget that, let’s really kill it. I can do better. Sell 1500 cards. And don’t quit until you do.

If only I can partner with Student Advantage. Keep calling until you get the CEO…

One day I hope to find an amazing woman and create an extraordinary life with her. I will build MyBodyTutor into a leading global health and fitness company. I’d love to be able to buy my dream car one day. I can’t wait to have (at least) 2 – 5 kids who are child prodigies from excessive training. Building my dream house is going to be thrilling. Going to sporting events and playing sports with my son(s) is going to be a blast…

What is the point of everything we do in life?

To be happy right? Everything we do is to make ourselves happy whether we realize it or not.

There is a major flaw in this thinking though. A person or a thing can’t make you happy. Only you can make you happy. Happiness MUST come from within.

For example, if I believe that I’m going to be so happy when I meet the girl of my dreams I’m doomed.
That means I’m putting my happiness in the hands of someone else. My dream girl, whether she knows it, or not, is responsible for my happiness.

That’s crazy! That means every time she does something I don’t like, I’m going to be unhappy. That’s why most relationships fail in my (very!) humble opinion. People expect their partner to make them happy. But only you can make you happy.

If you aren’t happy by yourself then expecting a car or a person to make you happy is ridiculous. And unfortunately, most people believe that a person or a dollar amount in the bank or a car is going to make them truly happy.

Every human being has one HUGE thing in common and that’s the desire to be truly happy…and I wonder if you’re constantly pursuing happiness in the form of cars, money, etc., when will you ever be happy?