Category: Life

I think the ultimate paradox in life, and especially as an entrepreneur, is to never be complacent. But of course, the paradox is that if you’re never complacent how can you appreciate what you have?

I do believe happiness is a choice. Either choose to focus on what you do have. Or choose to focus on what you don’t have. Either way, it’s a choice.

Complacency is the evil antithesis of ambition. And I certainly don’t want to spend my life pursuing happiness. After all, that is flawed! Happiness is right here, right now.

In entrepreneurship the topic of more will forever be a hot one. More customers, more revenue, more profit, more clients, more inventory, more space and on and on. But when is enough, enough? Are you ever going to be satisfied? Are you ever not going to want more?

The problem with ambition is that the very thing that drives someone to want to do certain things makes them not appreciate those things once they achieve them. “What’s next? Now what? I want more!”

I think the word more applies to every aspect of our lives. How about the never ending game “Keeping up with the Joneses,” where the players who choose to play never win. Someone is always going to have the latest and greatest. And spending your entire life looking at what you don’t have doesn’t seem like much fun.

What is success?

Bertrand Russell said, “Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get.”

I used to think success was having private planes and helicopters with ridiculous mansions and cars. But who cares how rich you are if you aren’t happy? I certainly don’t.

And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having (or wanting) those things. I just question why you really do.

You always hear people saying I want to be successful. What does that even mean?

Do you want people to respect you? Do you want your kids to adore you? Do you want your spouse to be in love with you? Do you want to be able to say fuck you to people? Do you want power? Do you want influence? Do you want access? Do you want freedom?

It seems as though so many people (including myself) are obsessed with more and success – when in fact, what you ultimately want might be right in front of your face.

My brother in law always jokes that there’s two types of good. Good. And good for nothin’!

I think that applies to advice too. And I love helping people and a huge part of that is giving advice.

As the Chief Body Tutor of MyBodyTutor, I wear many hats. Part nutritionist, part personal trainer, part coach, part inspirer, part therapist, part bull secretion detector, and part trusted friend to name a few. I want to be able to help my clients on all sorts of issues they might face.

Many people believe that getting in shape will make them happy, and it will! But many also believe that it will solve all of their problems.

Working on ways to make yourself happier and actually trying to solve your problems will make it a lot easier to get in shape! Because you won’t be nearly as inclined to eat emotionally, mindlessly and habitually; a big part of what I help my clients overcome.

So I find myself in the position of being asked for advice on all sorts of topics.

Most people when they seek advice want to be told what they want to hear. (Although, I believe asking questions is the best form of advice as opposed to simply giving answers.)

Perfect example: Has anyone who is getting worked in their so called ‘relationship’ ever asked you for dating advice?

Say something to them like, “I think he isn’t good for you. Clearly, you’re unhappy and he hasn’t changed. I think you need to end it and move on with your life.”

9 times out of 10, you’ll get a response like, “But, he’s so nice and we have so much fun together.” Really? Then why are you always miserable?

This happens because you’re going against their ego. Just like the first step to getting in shape is admitting that you aren’t in shape, most people can’t accept that.

Gentleman, has a girl ever asked you if she looks fat? Run and hide.

There is no upside to answering this question. Answer with, “No. Not at all. You look great!” and you’ll get something like, “Why are you lying? Don’t lie. Tell me the truth!” Tell them the truth and all the running and hiding in the world won’t do you any good.

Besides, ladies do you really need someone to tell you if you look fat or not? Everyone knows their own problems.

It’s just a question of if you really want to admit them to yourself.

Which leads me to the next kind of advice. Good for nothing but your ego!

This is when you tell the a person exactly what they want to hear as opposed to what they need to hear. “Yes, you look awesome! And yes, he’s absolutely head over heels in love with you!”

My wonderful mom would always preface advice with asking if I wanted her to tell me what I wanted to hear or what I needed to hear.

And sometimes, I do want to be told what I want to hear. But most of the time, I brace myself, and am prepared to hear something that might go against my ego.

Because that’s the only way I’ll grow.

And the only way to get really good advice is to decide before you ask, what kind of advice you want to hear.

Good. Or good for nothin’!

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[Some great comments over at BrazenCareerist.com!]

Ego, as I’ve written about before, is simply the story you tell yourself about yourself.

If the story you tell yourself about yourself is that you’re a worthless piece of shit and you don’t deserve success (whatever success means to you) then you’ll probably never obtain success. On the other hand, if you believe your destined for greatness, your chances for ‘greatness’ certainly increase.

I believe that having a healthy ego is critical for success. In fact, I don’t know one ‘successful’ person who doesn’t think somewhat highly of themselves.

As I wrote in this post, if you don’t expect things of yourself before you can do them, then you will never, ever, do them.

So the question then becomes how do I get a healthy ego?

Well, expecting things of yourself comes from self confidence. And I believe the best way to gain self confidence is to actually do the things you really want to do.

I see this week after week with new clients. Sometimes even after the first few days, but usually after the first week or so, they’ll always tell me how amazing they feel. Besides the consistent healthy eating and exercise, I know a huge part of that comes from my clients keeping the promises that they make to themselves.

But ego can also hurt us greatly. Going back to my definition of ego (the story you tell yourself about yourself) if someone says anything that conflicts with your story, you’re most likely going to be upset because they are attacking your perceived sense of self.

But the problem with those who have enormous egos is that they’ll go to great lengths to protect and defend it. Too bad they can’t just let go of their ego for a second. If you really think about it, it’s amazing how many tiffs are simply about people defending their ego.

Do you care what people think of you?

Or do you care what you think about yourself more?

I think the answer to this question is whether or not you’re more extrinsically or intrinsically motivated.

After all, it’s nice to have positive things being said about you. But if you’re striving for remarkable in your life – negatives things will be said too. Not everyone will love you.

How much do you believe in yourself? Well, if you don’t believe in yourself you can have other people boost your ego. But the problem with relying on other people to constantly boost your ego is that you become in need of praise constantly.

Having both is ideal; however, it’s important to not rely too much on external praise.

Your ego can also limit your opportunities. Maybe you think your God’s gift to the world. Maybe you think you can do everything by yourself.

It’s the people with robust egos that aren’t nearly as self-aware as they should be that you should watch out for. How well do you know yourself? Can you laugh at yourself?

It’s amazing how often I see ego getting in the way of people getting into shape. The first step to getting in the shape you want to be is admitting to yourself that you aren’t (yet)!

The second step is realizing that you might need some help. Some people can’t even get past the first step. Many will never get past the second.

Ultimately, I believe you must have a healthy ego in order to succeed but it’s important to not let your ego get in your way. I also believe everyone cares how others view them. However, it’s those who care more about what they think about themselves than what others think about them that have the greatest chance for success.

It must have been no later than 4:15 in the morning when my mom woke me up abruptly. “Let’s go! Wake up!! We’re going to Disney World!!!” she said excitingly. “But what about our bags, Mommy?!” “They’re all packed and ready to go!”

I was 5 years old at the time and my mom always tried to fill my (and my sisters) life with plenty of adventure.

Like the time we walked to the local deli for lunch on a Saturday afternoon. What was usually a 10 minute car ride felt like 5 hours by foot!

My mom has an amazing sense of humor. She dressed me up as a Chassidic Rabbi for my first Halloween in pre-school. When I was less than 3 months old, my grandparents in Florida met me for the first time in a Superman costume. Apparently, I was a big hit on the plane!

But my mom is not only fun and games. Although she’s one of the most creative people I know, she’s definitely the most hardworking! She has taken on all sorts of jobs and businesses throughout the years, all while working full time as a high school English teacher, to make our life better. And remarkably, as late as she would come home, she always insisted we eat dinner together and would first start cooking.

Her businesses ranged from a house keeper placement agency to Home Grown Poems to a SAT tutoring business to her current business of selling aviation apparel. While each of them has brought many memories, none will ever surpass the time my sister and I, along with my mom, sang lyrics to a woman who had hired her to ghost write a song.

My mom has always loved animals. Or more so bears! Our beloved George, a black 230 pound Newfoundland, is our biggest yet. She fell in love with the breed when a bear was roaming around my neighbor’s lawn and they called her to take care of it. Of course, my mom walked right up to it with no fear and looked at the collar to find the bear’s owner and the rest was history…we were getting a Newfoundland!

My mom is a teacher at heart though. Whether it’s teaching our dogs tricks or inspiring her students, I’ll never forget when her high school, Grady, was in the state finals at Madison Square Garden. As I was a little boy, who only dreamed of playing at MSG one day professionally, it was quite intimidating. But nothing was more intimidating than what seemed like 1000’s of students stomping and screaming, “Ms. Gilbert! Ms. Gilbert! Ms. Gilbert!” as they rolled out a red carpet for my mom that led to our seats!

However, not of all her students were always inspired. I’ll never forget when my mom came in the house absolutely drenched after Howard had pushed her into the pool as she was trying to sweep around it.

As my mom was absolutely furious, and my sister and I were rolling on the floor laughing, her huge heart eventually forgave our English Sheepdog.

In fact, it’s her huge heart that inspired Terence Winter. Terry, her former student, credits his success to my mom. And as Terry has clearly reached the top of his game having been a writer/executive producer for the Sopranos and now working with Leonardo DiCaprio, and Martin Scorsese on the ‘Wolf of Wall Street’, I hope my mom feels like she’s at the top of hers!

She has two kids that absolutely respect, love and adore her to death, a grandson on the way (very much on the way!), a dog that looks forward to being spoiled by her, a loving second-husband, an incredible sister, and a wonderful tight group of loyal friends and family.

I think of the morning she woke us up at 4:15 sometimes, and it makes me think of all the selfless, amazing, giving things my mom did while my sister and I were growing up, and that she still does today.

So, as her birthday is tomorrow the 25th, and in effort to keep this short because I can go on and on with countless memories and so many things I’m grateful for, I’ll end off simply, as my mom would like it, and exactly how my mom has signed every one of her cards to date.

I love your guts!

Xoxoxo

-Ad

When I was in a junior in High School I had my first taste of tutoring. I was in the National Honor Society and because of that I was able to put my name down on a list to become a tutor for kids in the district.

I was asked to pick which subjects I felt comfortable in. I chose them all. Simply because I didn’t want to limit my opportunities by only choosing my favorite subjects. We were told we could charge $20 per hour. I had just gotten my car and it seemed like a perfect after school gig.

My first student was Ethan. He was an 8th grader who was failing social studies, science and math.

He loved sports. He loved hanging out with his friends. He liked cool cars. He liked all of the typical teenage boy stuff, really.

His parents were divorced and his mom was always incredibly grateful and appreciative for my coming over even though she was paying me.

Immediately, I could tell Ethan was hanging out with the wrong kids. His friends – from what I gathered – didn’t think doing well in school was cool. So unfortunately he didn’t think doing well in school was cool.

I met with Ethan twice per week for an hour. Usually in middle school you have a test about every 3-4 weeks. So most of the time, I’d watch him do his homework and then we’d review it. And before exams we’d go over the outline for the tests and review.

But before we did any of that we’d spend at least 5 minutes talking. 5 minutes seems like nothing. But talking about ‘life’ with an 8th grader for 5 minutes is more meaningful conversation than most kids get.*

When I was done with Ethan he was a confident 8th grader getting only A’s and B’s.

Did I make him smarter? Of course not. He made himself smarter. He’s the one that put forth the effort. Not me.

I got more out of it than he did. Ethan helped me realize how powerful inspiration and coaching could be. He also made me believe that ‘dumb’ people don’t exist. Just people who don’t care.

I started to believe most learning disabilities were a joke because his mother had told me that Ethan’s teachers felt he had one.

I also started to wonder what would’ve happened to Ethan if the National Honor Society didn’t offer peer tutoring for $20 per hour.

Clearly he didn’t have a learning disability. He had a caring disability. And I believe most kids who are classified as learning disabled have just that. Either you give a shit. Or you don’t. It’s that simple. Whether you come from a beautiful family or a broken one – how much you care in school – is what will determine whether you’re ‘dumb’ or not.

I know several people who have learning disabilities along with ADD yet they can watch hours of TV or even read books for hours on subjects that interest them. Subjects that they care about!

I’ve read countless case studies of people who were labeled as ‘dumb’ or a ‘failure’ but wound up making it big once they found what really got them going. But what if these people didn’t have the opportunity to find out what they cared about? What if Ethan didn’t have the opportunity to have me show him why he should care in the first place?

Interestingly enough, I’ve had this post written for over a year and I just finished Outliers: The story of success by Malcolm Gladwell. Although effort and skill are hugely important, Gladwell argues that opportunity is even more important.

*According to Donald E. Wetmore the average working person spends less than 30 seconds a day in meaningful communication with their children.

A friend of mine feels lost because she has too many passions and she’s not sure what direction to go in.

I know how she feels.

And if you’re scratching your head wondering why you don’t have any passions stop scratching. We all have passions!

We all just don’t have passions that can make boatloads of money. And most don’t make any money. But until you realize that you’re not necessarily supposed to make money from your passions you’ll keep scratching your head.

There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t feel extremely grateful and fortunate for creating my dream business!

Because I remember exactly how I felt when I was at Ernst & Young; I always encourage people to go after their passions.

But again, that doesn’t mean you’re definitely going to make money by doing so. A passion is something you’d do whether you got paid or not.

If you’re able to make money from your passion(s) you’re insanely lucky. Because, for the most part, we can’t control what we love.

We tend to love things we’re good at. But we’re usually really good at things we love. Most likely, because we love doing them (which means practicing and learning)!

But what if you’re in the minority and you believe that you have a bunch of passions that you can turn into cash?

First off, we can all agree that we’re here (like on this Earth) to have fun right?

We can also agree that Leonardo DiCaprio has more fun being an actor than the struggling actor waiting tables right?

An A list blogger probably has more fun blogging than the blogger who has 4 readers including his dog right?

And that 50 Cent has more fun rapping than the rapper that wasn’t offered a record contract right?

I’m not saying that the struggling actor or that the rapper without a deal or the blogger with 4 readers isn’t having fun.

What I am saying is that the people who are the best at their craft, who are the best in the world at what they do, have more fun than those who aren’t.

It comes down to impact. Having an impact on people is thrilling!

If you’re lucky enough to have passions that make cash which passion will have the most impact?

Although I love writing about business and marketing, I now only pursue opportunities that are in alignment with my greatest passion: Helping people realize their body’s full potential.

And I’m convinced that my greatest passion has the chance to make the greatest impact.

And that’s why I consider myself insanely lucky.

First off, let’s be honest here. I’m usually hung over on January 1st. So whatever I want to ‘start’ doesn’t begin until January 2nd. But then January 2nd doesn’t feel like a good day because it’s my first day back to whatever it is I’m doing.

This year, January 2nd is on a Friday. Don’t know many people who’ve started worthwhile things on a Friday. Not a good excuse but it’s true.

So I wait. And before I ever started, my resolution has dissolved.

I don’t know many people that have actually followed through on a New Year’s resolution either. Do you? Have you ever?

Largely because most resolutions are simply wishes. Not goals. As we know, a wish is a goal without a plan of action.

But the real reason why most people never make good on their resolutions (or promises to themselves) is because we human beings constantly rationalize. That’s how we make sense of this chaotic and insane world. Thankfully, it’s innate otherwise we wouldn’t be able to function.

Every moment of every day, you’re telling yourself a story of what’s going on around you. Your boss, your friends, your job, your clients, your students and even this very blog post you’re reading!

Either you’re mentally nodding in agreement with what I’m saying (if it fits your world view or how you see things) or you’re shaking your head in disagreement (because this doesn’t fit your world view).

All day long, you’re telling yourself a story of your own actions and rationalizing it against your perceived self (which is your ego). For example, if you think you’re a very ambitious and motivated person then anything you do that doesn’t fit into ‘being ambitious and motivated’ like watching endless hours of TV, or procrastinating for days on something pressing then you’ll rationalize that.

“Well, I need a break! I don’t want to over work myself, etc., etc, etc!”

Maybe if you’re self aware and honest enough with yourself you’re able to see right through your own crap.

Or maybe not and you’re delusional. As I said in my post about ‘How to tell what someone really cares about’ some people believe that there is no relationship between what a person is and what a person does. This is bull secretion. Unless you are schizophrenic, you become your actions.

So what to do?

I think the only resolution you should make is to be brutally honest with yourself.

But of course, if you’re not, you’ll rationalize that too.